Those I hold near and dear have experienced one for the books after this crazy relationship I found myself in last December. Unlike Taylor, I don’t go back to December all the time (sorry, I had to do it) but that’s probably because that’s when things were still…not that bad.
When I sit reflect on all that’s happened between me and this other person, I try to figure out where things started to go wrong.
That’s Mistake #1. Instead of analyzing what occurred, just acknowledge that somewhere in the relationship, something went wrong. That’s it. At this point it doesn’t matter when or what it was, and when you figure it out, your relationship will still be over. It probably sounds super harsh but that’s only because all your friends are telling you to stop crying because everything’s gonna be okay.
Which brings us to Mistake #2. Everything will be okay but you shouldn’t stop crying. Cry, scream, stomp, pout. That shit hurts, so let it alllll out. On a morning where you have an extra hour to spear, just be hurt. When that hour is over, wash your face and drink some juice, you’ll feel refreshed. You’ll take a deep breathe and the pain will be behind you. Some of us may need a few more of these mornings than others, but overall we should consider why we’re crying in the first place.
- Are you still upset over how/why things ended?
- Do you miss having another person around?
- Do you miss having that other person around?
- Are you emotionally exhausted after this relationship?
- Could make up sex fix this?
I’m not sure if that last question is the same for all females but I know one common issue we ALL have which is Mistake #3: STOP GOING BACK. This is the biggest mistake I struggle with. I chalk it up to sucking at letting things go and the fact that I like watching things explode but I’m considering underlying attachment issues in addition to the possibility of returning to great sex.
I like seeing the good in people and situations. I accept taking the good with the bad. I guess it’s just important to remember there’s bad and then there’s wrong. Because I often root for the underdog, I would like to address that others treat us the way we allow them to. If you find yourself in a relationship where the other person is constantly dishonest or unfaithful and you continue to forgive them, you are creating the environment in which they feel comfortable deceiving you.
Also keep in mind, I was completely aware of this the entire relationship, like I’ve said before, I avidly root for the underdog. Which in every relationships has been my significant other.
This weekend I was sitting at a meal with my mother when he called. My mother always knows everything, all the time. After I hung up and lied about who was on the phone, she just gave me that Mom look. She just said “What else does he have to do to you?”
That might have been when I realized it was actually time to let go. I also considered; what else could he possibly do to me?
From an outside perspective, I realize how foolish it all seems. I remember being the girl that always said she would never stay with someone who cheated, because girls who stayed were foolish. Then I was with someone who cheated, foolishly I had done that thing we all do when we know something is wrong but pretend everything’s okay anyway. Like it’s not gonna pop up again. I went from being in love to being in pain to being intoxicated to being done religiously for weeks. Weeks. How long have things been bad? Months.
But I found it was time for letting go.
Letting go to the lying and the sweet talk and the doubt. Letting go of what could’ve happened between you and her or you and me because I don’t want to know. Letting go because you took it too far. Letting go because there finally came a time when I had to chose between you and me. Letting go because I finally chose me.
All this time I’ve been fighting to hold but instead I should’ve been letting go.